watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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