im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
