mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
