Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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