We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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