Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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