Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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