There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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