God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize