okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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