Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
