There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
