i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
grandma shit on top of the toilet
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
