Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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