Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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