singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
