Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
