they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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