We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
