I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
