life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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