my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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