Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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