8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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