I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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