she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
