this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize