New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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