Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
