Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
