i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
