you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
