He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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