well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i think i just lost a toe
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
