Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize