my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
