Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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