Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
