South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
