Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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