the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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