note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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