Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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