My underwear smells like fireworks.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
