You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
