So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
