he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
