Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
