do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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