Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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