eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
