Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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