They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
