Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize