C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
