So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
