how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
