Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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