Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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