Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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