all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
