I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What drink are we having for lunch?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
