Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
