69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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