I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
