he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize