im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
