We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
