i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He did a backflip because drugs
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
