the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
