I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
