I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
