I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
