and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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