mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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