I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
