the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
