peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
