She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
