I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
