Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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