If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
