I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
