he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize