I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
