My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
