I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
