the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
