New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
