if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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