Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
