I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
