I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
