My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
