Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
