You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize